In previous blogs I have written about circles of control and when we need to accept that 'it is what it is'. In this blog I'll try to cover when good intent turns bad. When it turns into stress and frustration for you, and the subject of your good intentions.
Emotional investment has a strong relationship with expectation and expectation management. none of which are always in our control!
I have seen friendships end, terrible arguments happen and memes created... All over good intentions turning into unhealthy emotional investment.
How does emotional investment start so well and end so badly? It usually starts with helping someone, or being asked for advice. Then it turns into control/expectations. It is so subtle though, that neither party realise what is happening until it is too late and feelings start getting hurt. Expectation vs expectation management and advice vs individual choice / free will.
How do we avoid this happening?
In short; give advice or experiences if asked for them, and wish the querent well on their journey. Give as much or as little as you want, but do it with the caveat of "no strings attached". You're offering your experiences, giving them some food for thought; that they can take or leave as they wish.
This is their journey, not yours. It is wonderful to see people succeed and even nicer when it is your advice that helped get them there; however, there is a line and you cross it at your peril.
It's a little different if there is money changing hands; ultimately though, the principal is the same. You have a job to do; you do it, you get paid your money; and the outcome is on that person.
Have you lost clients? Has it been during or as a result of an emotional exchange? Why did the situation with that client become so emotionally charged? Have you reflected on the situation? If you take too much of your work on emotionally, you may find yourself in a bit of a pickle!
We all want to put that little bit extra into our work to make it uniquely ours. When it involves outcomes driven by others, however; that is when you need to step back and let them steer their own ship. Ultimately, you are paid to do a job, which is what you must do first. Your personal touch comes in the form of your service and approach; not how emotionally invested you are in your clientele.
For business people, emotional investment can be draining. You need to find that happy medium. If not for your business success, for your own peace and prosperity, because the two are linked - you lose your "prosperity thinking" and your business prosperity will take a dive as well.
Unfortunately in the day and age of social media, an unfair review can be damaging. What can be more damaging though, is not being able to delineate between what is work and what is emotional investment. There is nothing wrong with responding to that unfair review, though I would suggest walking away from it and coming back with a fresh, unemotional approach. The best path is to deal in facts.
At the end of the day, whether our emotional investment is in helping a loved one, or client/outcome; one common theme remains... We do not always have 100% visibility of the whole picture. We don't know what is motivating someone to ask for our perspective or paying for assistance; so we can only work with what we know, give our experience, provide the best personal or professional guidance possible, and leave it at that.
Whether we agree with their end choice or not, isn't always something that we have a right to convey. We can advise against that decision and provide our reasons, but the end state is driven by the other party.
I have said this before; it is their journey and their choice. They are making the best possible choices for themselves and their situation. The second they start to feel anxious about how others are going to respond to a decision that directly affects their own lives rather than those they are worrying about, is the second that things have become unhealthy.
We will have "that friend" who is the domineering type; who thinks that because you have asked for their advice, they have a right to control the things you want help with. They're a separate entity altogether and go into the realms of the toxic relationship.
At the end of the day; we are always going to want to help loved ones and see them succeed. We are going to disagree with some of the decisions that those we help (or are paid to help), make.
Just remember that advice is simply a sharing of experience and the person enquiring has the right to take, leave, or just use parts of, as they see fit.
When it appears that our loved one hasn't taken our advice, we sometimes get upset. We become annoyed and even feel used. It's at this moment that we need to remind ourselves, that our happiness isn't tied to the outcome of this person. In fact, we do not have to live with the consequences of their decisions at all, in most cases; so we really do need to take that step back.
Like love, strive to give advice freely and without condition, while also maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself.
Emotional investment has a strong relationship with expectation and expectation management. none of which are always in our control!
I have seen friendships end, terrible arguments happen and memes created... All over good intentions turning into unhealthy emotional investment.
How does emotional investment start so well and end so badly? It usually starts with helping someone, or being asked for advice. Then it turns into control/expectations. It is so subtle though, that neither party realise what is happening until it is too late and feelings start getting hurt. Expectation vs expectation management and advice vs individual choice / free will.
How do we avoid this happening?
In short; give advice or experiences if asked for them, and wish the querent well on their journey. Give as much or as little as you want, but do it with the caveat of "no strings attached". You're offering your experiences, giving them some food for thought; that they can take or leave as they wish.
This is their journey, not yours. It is wonderful to see people succeed and even nicer when it is your advice that helped get them there; however, there is a line and you cross it at your peril.
It's a little different if there is money changing hands; ultimately though, the principal is the same. You have a job to do; you do it, you get paid your money; and the outcome is on that person.
Have you lost clients? Has it been during or as a result of an emotional exchange? Why did the situation with that client become so emotionally charged? Have you reflected on the situation? If you take too much of your work on emotionally, you may find yourself in a bit of a pickle!
We all want to put that little bit extra into our work to make it uniquely ours. When it involves outcomes driven by others, however; that is when you need to step back and let them steer their own ship. Ultimately, you are paid to do a job, which is what you must do first. Your personal touch comes in the form of your service and approach; not how emotionally invested you are in your clientele.
For business people, emotional investment can be draining. You need to find that happy medium. If not for your business success, for your own peace and prosperity, because the two are linked - you lose your "prosperity thinking" and your business prosperity will take a dive as well.
Unfortunately in the day and age of social media, an unfair review can be damaging. What can be more damaging though, is not being able to delineate between what is work and what is emotional investment. There is nothing wrong with responding to that unfair review, though I would suggest walking away from it and coming back with a fresh, unemotional approach. The best path is to deal in facts.
At the end of the day, whether our emotional investment is in helping a loved one, or client/outcome; one common theme remains... We do not always have 100% visibility of the whole picture. We don't know what is motivating someone to ask for our perspective or paying for assistance; so we can only work with what we know, give our experience, provide the best personal or professional guidance possible, and leave it at that.
Whether we agree with their end choice or not, isn't always something that we have a right to convey. We can advise against that decision and provide our reasons, but the end state is driven by the other party.
I have said this before; it is their journey and their choice. They are making the best possible choices for themselves and their situation. The second they start to feel anxious about how others are going to respond to a decision that directly affects their own lives rather than those they are worrying about, is the second that things have become unhealthy.
We will have "that friend" who is the domineering type; who thinks that because you have asked for their advice, they have a right to control the things you want help with. They're a separate entity altogether and go into the realms of the toxic relationship.
At the end of the day; we are always going to want to help loved ones and see them succeed. We are going to disagree with some of the decisions that those we help (or are paid to help), make.
Just remember that advice is simply a sharing of experience and the person enquiring has the right to take, leave, or just use parts of, as they see fit.
When it appears that our loved one hasn't taken our advice, we sometimes get upset. We become annoyed and even feel used. It's at this moment that we need to remind ourselves, that our happiness isn't tied to the outcome of this person. In fact, we do not have to live with the consequences of their decisions at all, in most cases; so we really do need to take that step back.
Like love, strive to give advice freely and without condition, while also maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself.
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